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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25811947">For All Eternity.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_skalds_tale/pseuds/a_skalds_tale'>a_skalds_tale</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Book: Breaking Dawn, Childbirth, Death in Childbirth, F/M, Half-Vampires, Romance, Vampires, War Era</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:48:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,979</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25811947</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_skalds_tale/pseuds/a_skalds_tale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>During a conversation with Carlisle prior to Renesmee’s birth, Edward learns of Carlisle’s life before Esme; of his first great love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Carlisle Cullen &amp; Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>For All Eternity.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carlisle sat back in his plush leather chair in his home office. The fireplace in front of us roared with a wood burning fire, the light reflecting in his pale gold eyes. I sat in the chair next to him, they were angled slightly, so that any conversation wouldn’t so much as crane ones neck.</p>
<p>The office smelled like that black candle Carlisle loved; he loved the new trend of masculine scented candles on the marketplace recently. A faint smile spread across his features.</p>
<p>“I never told you about Anna, did I?” he asked, not meeting my gaze. I shook my head no. “Edward, I do believe your mother is the love of my life, but in a life as long as the one I’ve lived, I believe I’ve earned two great loves,” he continued, crossing one leg over the other. “Anna was my first.”</p>
<p>
  <em>In my mind’s eye, I saw Carlisle in the 1860’s. He was in North Carolina, at some grand ball at a debutante’s home. A large, white pillared plantation is what it appeared to be, to me. He stood in the corners of the room, trying not to attract too much attention to himself. He wore a high collared, white shirt and a deep, red velvet tail coat. He had a luxurious silk tie at his neck. He looked as he does today, but with much more pomp and circumstance surrounding himself. The women in their large, ballooning ballgown style dresses eyed him over the tops of their fans, giggling as they gossiped to one another regarding the towns newest and most eligible doctor bachelor. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I could see his gaze shifting from observing others to observing a particularly beautiful woman descending down the stairs. He sighed, his heart fluttering. “Carlisle,” a man interjected his thoughts. “I’d like to introduce you to my daughter, Anna.” The man said, leading him to the beautiful woman who had descended the grand staircase. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Of course, Dr. Knolls.” Carlisle said, setting his untouched glass of wine down on the sideboard that he was standing next to. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The heavyset man walked Carlisle through the crowds, past the swarms of jeering men. “Of course he’d introduce her to Dr. Cullen,” a sullen, scrawny boy from a neighboring farm said to his father. “He was educated in England.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“He’s from England,” His father corrected. “Educated at Oxford, if I heard correctly.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Carlisle smiled, approaching the young woman. Her hair was a shiny copper color, and tinted blond in streaks by the hair that would frame her face, should it ever be allowed down from its intricate bun at the nape of her neck. Her pale blue skirts bounced behind her as she walked, evidence of many hoops and an impressive crinoline. Her eyes were dark, wide, eyelashes long and enticing. Her cheeks were flushed a pale pink, evidence that it was, indeed hot in the house that July evening of 1862. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Anna, dear, I’d like for you to meet Dr. Carlisle Cullen. He recently moved here from London on recommendation from Dr. Simons.” Dr. Knolls said, motioning towards Carlisle, who could’ve sworn his heart stopped beating in his chest. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She curtsied briefly before extending her hand out to him. He took it graciously, and brought it to his lips. “Pleased to meet you, Dr. Cullen.” She drawled, her smile widening, showcasing perfectly white and aligned teeth. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“The pleasure is all mine, Miss Knolls,” he smiled, reluctantly dropping her hand. “Please, call me Carlisle.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Please, call me Anna.” She smiled at him. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Another man called Dr. Knolls away, leaving Anna and Carlisle in the center of this hall. “We don’t have to stand in the center of the room,” she chuckled, embarrassed that the remaining bachelors in the room were staring at the two of them. “I’d like a drink.” She said, walking to the bartender and asking for two glasses of water. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Dr. Cullen, what brings you to North Carolina?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“We talked for hours,” Carlisle mused, leaning his head back on the chair, arms on either arm rest, hands gripping the ends of the chair. “She fascinated me. She shared the same temperament as I have, constant waves of compassion for others. The war destroyed her. She had lost her brother at Antietam, and was utterly devastated. After all of the other guests had left, we were sitting alone on the back end of the porch, a butler eyeing us through the window at her father’s request,” Carlisle chuckled. “I don’t think that it wasn’t that he didn’t <em>trust </em>me, but she was the kind of woman who could drive a man wild with desire.” If Carlisle could blush, I think he would’ve just then.</p>
<p>“Of course, it was only natural for me to become absolutely obsessed with her,” he continued.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Carlisle’s mind wandered to their courting. He would arrive every Sunday morning at 8 AM sharp with his horse and carriage. It was covered, of course, the heat would be unbearable by the time the minister would finish beating his pulpit and driving his point home in yet another sermon Carlisle had heard preached hundreds of times through hundreds of different lenses, perspectives. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He would take her to church, help her get settled on the seat next to him and they would talk for the forty-five minutes it took to get from her home to the church. Services began at 9:30, and it gave them time to socialize with the neighboring families, something they rarely had time for with their busy schedules. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He would come over to dinner after church. It was always mid-afternoon by the time they returned. Carlisle admitted to be notorious for taking the long way home as a way of prolonging their time together. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Dr. Cullen,” Anna said playfully one late summer afternoon. “I think we’re lost.” A smirk crossed her features as Carlisle took a turn into a dirt path that led them into a wooded area. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Not lost, simply enjoying the sights,” he responded. “Thought maybe we could get a break from the sun. I also have something I want to show you.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She smiled. With everyone out of sight but the two of them, she placed a hand on his thigh, bringing a smile to his face. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A little farther into the woods, there was a clearing, and a clear, beautiful lake lay before them, the sun beaming down on it; it gleamed like glass after being cleaned and scrubbed within an inch of its life. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Carlisle,” Anna gasped. “This is beautiful! Oh! No, I can’t ask that of you.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Carlisle’s heart beat quickly inside his chest. His eyes went to hers immediately, wanting, needing to give her any and everything she wanted, needed, even merely thought of. “Please, ask.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I—When I was a little girl, James and I would go swimming in a hole like this one. It dried up before the war, but I haven’t been swimming in ages. I’d just die to get in the water,” she paused, carefully selecting her words, not wanting to jeopardize her future with this handsome, well-off and well educated doctor for a fleeting moment of pleasure. “Will you swim with me?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Carlisle grinned from ear to ear, honey colored eyes sparkling, mimicking the water. “I will do anything you ask, Anna.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He helped her unlace her dress, slip free of her hoops and crinoline, leaving her in her undergarments. She eyed him nervously, as he was still fully clothed. He turned his back to her and began unbuttoning his jacket, his shirt, his trousers, unlacing his shoes. He had stripped bare before he turned around to face her, who was now bare, also. He held out a hand to her, and they walked hand in hand down to the edge before submerging themselves wholly in the water.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She gasped, thankful for how warm the water truly was. They playfully splashed around in the water for a bit before he gathered her in his arms, and pulling her close to him, kissed her. Her hands ran to his hair, legs wrapping instinctively around his waist. The kisses became greedier, hungrier. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“I’ll spare you the details of the rest of that afternoon,” Carlisle said, pulling me out of his thoughts. “But we returned to her home very late that evening, and her father had nearly threatened to beat me within an inch of my life.</p>
<p>“But, that night, Anna had been able to talk some sense into him, and the next day when I came calling for her, Dr. Knolls let me in, and then asked if I planned to marry her.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Carlisle sat on the other end of the desk, hands gripping the ends of the armrests. “I—I would love to marry your daughter, Dr. Knolls. With your permission and blessing, of course.” He added quickly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Dr. Knolls expression turned. He beamed. “Of course, Dr. Cullen. My girl will live a good life with you by her side.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Carlisle disappeared for a few days, going to Charlotte to find a ring. A suitable option for such a woman. It was a square cut diamond on a solid gold setting, a sizable carat weight. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“I knew I would have to tell her,” Carlisle paused, chewing the inside of his cheek absentmindedly. “She noticed, that day in the clearing, how cold I was. She didn’t say anything, I knew she trusted me inexplicably.”</p>
<p>“How did you tell her?” I asked, eager to learn of their end.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>After he had proposed to her, Carlisle and Anna were standing in what I assumed was his house. He had taken to see what her new home would look like. It was a humble home, nothing like what she was accustomed to. He was at the infirmary most days, being a doctor for most of his days that he didn’t spend Anna. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Anna, my love,” Carlisle turned to her. She was examining his tableware, fine relics from England. He lied and told her they were family heirlooms. In all reality, they were. He had taken them from his parents’ home in England after receiving word they had passed away; there was no investigation regarding the missing table settings, assuming a break-in. “Anna, there’s something I must talk to you about.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She set a dish down, nearly running to his side. “Yes?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“May we sit?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He laid all his cards on the table, explaining everything to her. All of the color drained from her face, as she mulled everything over. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“If this changes anything about how you feel for me, or about our future, I understand. I shouldn’t have hidden it from you for so long,” he paused, holding her small, delicate hands in his significantly larger ones. “But believe me when I say that you put the color inside my world, Anna,” she looked into his eyes, tears welling in hers. “I have never been happier, or felt more human, in over one-hundred years. I love you, Sweetheart.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Will you turn me?” she asked, eyebrows scrunched together. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Only if that’s what you want,” he said after a long pause. “I will not speak of it to persuade you either way, but I do believe there could be nothing worse than a life without you,” he brought her hands to his lips, kissing them gently. “After knowing you, loving you, I cannot imagine my life without you in it. But I cannot and will not be selfish. It is entirely your decision.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You will never age?” she asked, a smile creeping across her face. He shook his head no. “So what will happen when I am old and you are young and I introduce people to you as my husband?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He chuckled. “People will judge us silently.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“I took that as her decision to stay un-turned, but I also knew that time could change things,” he sighed. “After the wedding, we decided to move to upstate New York, to avoid the impending battles and war on the south. And, we discovered, she was pregnant.”</p>
<p>My neck nearly snapped at the intensity at which I looked at Carlisle, refocusing my attention from the blazing fire to my father. “You—you had a child?”</p>
<p>“It was, a difficult time. She was always exhausted. The child was strong.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Carlisle walked into his bedroom, where his wife slept. Her stomach was large. She was exhausted, despite her near constant state of sleep. Carlisle walked over to her, brushing her hair away from her face, bending down to kiss her lips. She stirred gently. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Carlisle?” she whispered, voice hoarse. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yes, I’m right here,” he held her hand to his chest, kneeling by the bed. “What is it, my love?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“If I don’t survive the birth, will you save me? I can’t think of anything worse than leaving you here alone.” She said quietly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Carlisle’s face turned downcast. “My sweet,” he started, voice cracking with emotion. “I cannot think of anything worse than living forever. But the only consolation would be if you were by my side. But I cannot be so selfish. I fear I already have been,” His hand drifted to her belly, feeling their child roll and tumble around inside of her, his feet kicking. “I should have never taken you as my wife, and I mean that in the most compassionate way possible,” he added, once her eyes turned to reflect an expression of pain. “It was a selfish thing to do, and though making love to you is my favorite thing to do,” she smiled, “I should’ve been more careful.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She nodded. “So you’ll just let me die here? With your child growing up never to know their mother? And knowing you could’ve saved their mother?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Carlisle’s stomach twisted in knots, heart retching. “It is not that simple, my dear.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Tears streamed down Anna’s face, heartbroken. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“What did you really think? All selflessness aside?” I asked Carlisle, silently begging him to show me a glimpse of a side of him I hoped had once existed. A self-serving, self-indulgent and impulsive side of him.</p>
<p>“I wanted her. I wanted her forever. I wanted our child to live. I wanted many more children, but knew she would never survive the birth. There was no possible way she could,” his eyes turned solemn. “The birth was terrible. Awful.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>I saw flashes of what Carlisle remembered, blood everywhere, covering his hands, his arms, the front of his shirt. I could smell the way it smelled in the room. Of iron, of torn flesh. I could hear Anna’s screams as she writhed in pain, pushing as hard as she could, as hard as she could bear. Carlisle coached her along, patient and calming, as was his usual bedside manner, despite his wife and child in harm’s way. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> There is a vivid memory Carlisle holds on to, of the first time he held his son in his arms. Dark hair sat atop his red and wrinkled head, and his eyes were a honey-gold color. Carlisle had let a breath out he didn’t know he was holding. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Carlisle—” Anna gasped from the head of the bed. She held out a hand towards her husband, face pale, lips tinged blue. “Carlisle, I love you.” She gasped, throat bone-dry. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Carlisle’s face contorted as he cried. “I love you, Anna. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” He wept, sobbing into her chest. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“She bled out that night. It took her two hours to finally die,” he said, closing his eyes, fighting the painful memories. “She is one of my biggest regrets.”</p>
<p>“But if you loved her, didn’t it make it worth it?” I questioned.</p>
<p>“In a way, yes. But her life was so fragile, and under normal circumstances, she would’ve probably survived a birth. Probably could’ve had two or three children. I loved her, Edward, I should’ve stayed away. I should’ve never married her. I should’ve moved once I found myself falling in love with her. But, it isn’t always that easy. I torture myself with the thoughts that I could’ve saved her, had I changed her. But asking her to live forever, to go through that pain, was more selfish a decision than I could bear to make.”</p>
<p>“And your son?” I asked.</p>
<p>Carlisle’s expression faded further. “After I buried Anna, I took him to North Carolina, to meet his grandparents. Edward, I am ashamed of what I did,” he chuckled ironically, shaking his head at himself. “I dropped him off one evening with a nanny they knew and I faked my own death that same night. I paid a butler and a maid handsomely to support my story. That night I packed up and left, and I went to what’s now Indiana and settled on my own piece of land, a homestead, so to speak. I travelled back east to try and find my son, I named him Whitlow. He had been institutionalized since he was seven years old. He, like Alice, was a watcher.”</p>
<p>“Was?”</p>
<p>“It takes less to kill a half vampire-half-human, Edward. He had one of his mates at the asylum aid him in taking his life. He was nineteen.”</p>
<p>“Carlisle—I—I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”</p>
<p>“I know you didn’t, Edward. It’s something I, obviously, prefer not to talk about. But it was time you knew.”</p>
<p>“Does Esme know?”</p>
<p>“Of course. Esme knows everything about me.”</p>
<p>“Why did you tell me this?”</p>
<p>“I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did, Edward. I love Esme with my entire heart, but if I could go back and change time, I would’ve turned Anna. I would’ve lived happily with her, forever. Should something happen to Bella in the birth, don’t hesitate, son. If you do, you’ll live to regret it. I have regretted it every day, and I will for all of eternity.”</p>
<p>“Do you still love her?” I asked him.</p>
<p>“For all eternity.”</p>
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